Somethings Worse than Death
There are some things worse than death. Alzheimer's is one of them. As many of you know my mom has had Alzheimer's for over ten years.
"Alzheimer’s disease is a progressive brain disorder that gradually destroys a person’s memory and ability to learn, reason, make judgments, communicate and carry out daily activities. As Alzheimer’s progresses, individuals may also experience changes in personality and behavior, such as anxiety, suspiciousness or agitation, as well as delusions or hallucinations."
The first time I realized something was wrong with Mom was when she cam up to Durham to spend the weekend with us. We went shopping that Friday and she bought a bunch of Christmas presents for Heather and Ashley. I was carrying several bags of presents out the door when she said: "Now don't forget we have to go shopping to buy Heather and Ashley something for Christmas." At first I thought she was joking because she already bought them so much. I laughed out loud and said "Right, we need to them more presents, right!" She made no comment. When we got in the car she suddenly said she had to go home. Home? Mom you just got here. But she persisted and insisted she had forgotten something she had to do at home. So she left.
After she left a chill came over me as the thought of Alzheimer's crossed my mind. From that time on the undiagnosed disease began to progress. Over the next year and a half I was blown away by what was happening to Mom.
We went to an Alzheimer's specialist at CMC and he tested Mom. Simple questions and tasks put a look of horro in my Mom's eyes and sense of horror in my heart. Please draw a clock face. I watched in disbelief as Mom could not draw the simple picture. What year is it? 1945. Who is the President of the United States? Eisenhower. When is your son's birthday? She looked at me. The Dr. said "Don't look at him look at me." She paused and and looked back at me with the greatest fear I have ever seen. She could not answer.
That day is carved into my brain. We went to the car and Mom got in the back seat and curled up like a child. I tried to comfort her. But how do you really do that when the reality of losing one's memory and cognitive ability is coming fast. i drove home with her sobs drilling into my soul. She went in the house and went to her bed and I followed. She lay there crying. I sat there and held hand for hours.
All these years later she can't walk, doesn't know anyone, can't speak, but she can smile. Oh that smile. Every time I go there it takes me hours to be able compose myself. i miss Momma.
i don't know why this has happened to Momma. or my family but I trust God. It is His comfort that keeps me going when I get down because I miss her so much. I pray everyday for medical discovery to prevent and or cure this worse than death disease. 4+ million American suffer from this disease, not counting their families. As we pray each day let's remember those sufferers and pray that God will give them His peace. Let's pray that a cure can be found. But most importantly pray that they will come to know Christ and His love before it is too late. I am thankful that Momma and I settled that issue of her salvation and faith before she couldn't talk about it. So while it is excruciating, the comfort is 2 Cor. 4:17-18 (NLT) " For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! [18] So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever."
father, help us this day to make the most of it, to not take our life and our families for granted. Help us say our I love yous and give our hugs to those special people in our lives. Help us look and to see the opportunities you give us to pray for and or encourage those you bring across our path. Lord, guide medical researchers to find your solution to Alzheimers. Thank You. In christ's name. Amen
"Alzheimer’s disease is a progressive brain disorder that gradually destroys a person’s memory and ability to learn, reason, make judgments, communicate and carry out daily activities. As Alzheimer’s progresses, individuals may also experience changes in personality and behavior, such as anxiety, suspiciousness or agitation, as well as delusions or hallucinations."
The first time I realized something was wrong with Mom was when she cam up to Durham to spend the weekend with us. We went shopping that Friday and she bought a bunch of Christmas presents for Heather and Ashley. I was carrying several bags of presents out the door when she said: "Now don't forget we have to go shopping to buy Heather and Ashley something for Christmas." At first I thought she was joking because she already bought them so much. I laughed out loud and said "Right, we need to them more presents, right!" She made no comment. When we got in the car she suddenly said she had to go home. Home? Mom you just got here. But she persisted and insisted she had forgotten something she had to do at home. So she left.
After she left a chill came over me as the thought of Alzheimer's crossed my mind. From that time on the undiagnosed disease began to progress. Over the next year and a half I was blown away by what was happening to Mom.
We went to an Alzheimer's specialist at CMC and he tested Mom. Simple questions and tasks put a look of horro in my Mom's eyes and sense of horror in my heart. Please draw a clock face. I watched in disbelief as Mom could not draw the simple picture. What year is it? 1945. Who is the President of the United States? Eisenhower. When is your son's birthday? She looked at me. The Dr. said "Don't look at him look at me." She paused and and looked back at me with the greatest fear I have ever seen. She could not answer.
That day is carved into my brain. We went to the car and Mom got in the back seat and curled up like a child. I tried to comfort her. But how do you really do that when the reality of losing one's memory and cognitive ability is coming fast. i drove home with her sobs drilling into my soul. She went in the house and went to her bed and I followed. She lay there crying. I sat there and held hand for hours.
All these years later she can't walk, doesn't know anyone, can't speak, but she can smile. Oh that smile. Every time I go there it takes me hours to be able compose myself. i miss Momma.
i don't know why this has happened to Momma. or my family but I trust God. It is His comfort that keeps me going when I get down because I miss her so much. I pray everyday for medical discovery to prevent and or cure this worse than death disease. 4+ million American suffer from this disease, not counting their families. As we pray each day let's remember those sufferers and pray that God will give them His peace. Let's pray that a cure can be found. But most importantly pray that they will come to know Christ and His love before it is too late. I am thankful that Momma and I settled that issue of her salvation and faith before she couldn't talk about it. So while it is excruciating, the comfort is 2 Cor. 4:17-18 (NLT) " For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! [18] So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever."
father, help us this day to make the most of it, to not take our life and our families for granted. Help us say our I love yous and give our hugs to those special people in our lives. Help us look and to see the opportunities you give us to pray for and or encourage those you bring across our path. Lord, guide medical researchers to find your solution to Alzheimers. Thank You. In christ's name. Amen
posted by pastor raymond | 5:16 AM
2 Comments:
Thank you Raymond. I miss my Daddy so much! Thank you for reminding me that no matter how much I hurt now, I can always look forward to the day I see him again! The day I look into his eyes and he once again looks back!! Thank you
Raymond,
In reading about your experience with your mother's diagnosis and disease, I wept, and realized that it has been since loosing Sondra that I have developed such an empathy to weep while learning of another's pain. I believe this to be a gift, and I praise God for it! And I now know where you get your empathy. Thanks for sharing! May God Bless You, your mother and your family in the midst of this trial. And continue to comfort those around you with the comfort you have received from the Comforter.
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